
How to deal with ED in a marriage or long-term relationship
- By: Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST — By Anna Smith Haghighi on September 10, 2020
- Source: Medical News Today
- Website: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/how-to-deal-with-ed-in-a-marriage
In many cases, ED is treatable. A range of effective treatments can restore sexual function, thereby improving satisfaction in a relationship. A doctor can help couples understand their options, and they will often encourage both partners to attend appointments.
However, a person may have to try several treatments or go through testing to find an option that works for them. During this time, it is important for their partner to be open, understanding, and supportive. In one study, 94% of males felt that their partner’s support was important when dealing with ED.
Some approaches that people can try include:
open communication
counseling
other forms of intimacy
lifestyle changes
Communication
Although it can be difficult, working on open communication in a relationship can help reduce the strain of ED.
As ED can cause feelings of guilt or embarrassment, some males may avoid any type of intimacy with their partner so that they can avoid distress. However, a partner may interpret this as rejection, making them feel unwanted or unattractive.
Having a conversation about these feelings can clear up misunderstandings such as these and reassure both partners. The University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) also suggest that partners let people with ED know that:
ED does not make them any less masculine or desirable
sex is not as important as the person’s health and well-being
they are willing to work through this with the person
Counseling
Emotional distress is a common cause of ED. If a urologist believes that mental health could be a factor in a person’s ED, they may suggest counseling.
Individual counseling can give someone a private, nonjudgmental space in which to talk about their difficulties with ED. A counselor or psychologist can help a person manage feelings of stress, anxiety, or low self-esteem.
Couples counseling may also be beneficial. Some studies suggest that for 50–70% of males with stress-related ED, symptoms improve when their partner attends therapy with them.
Couples counseling can help partners learn how to communicate with and support each other, and it may help resolve any relationship problems that could be affecting sexual intimacy.
Other forms of intimacy
There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel closer and help people with ED feel supported.
The UCLA also suggest experimenting with other forms of sexual activity. Doing this can help both partners experience pleasure without the need for penetration. It may also reduce pressure on the male to “perform,” and so lessen performance anxiety.
Lifestyle changes
As part of treatment, a person with ED may need to make certain lifestyle changes, such asTrusted Source:
stopping smoking, if a smoker
limiting or eliminating alcohol intake
increasing exercise
maintaining a moderate body weight
stopping illegal drug use, if relevant
Those in a relationship with someone with ED can help their partner do this by providing moral support. In some situations, it may be beneficial for them to participate in the changes, too.
For example, if a doctor recommends dietary changes to someone with ED, it may be easier for the person to stick to them if their partner also adopts some or all of the changes. Similarly, if both partners smoke, it can be helpful, as well as beneficial healthwise, for both to stop smoking.